Sunday Morning ~ Let’s Go!
Tiyeni-tiyeni sacoka, acoka ndi bvundumuku. ~ The one who says, “Let’s go, let’s go!” does not leave, the one who gets up leaves.
September 8, 2019
I caved last night and slept inside. The hurricane danced around us all day and though it devastated entire populations elsewhere, all it gave us was a good garden soaking, beautiful surf, and a gorgeous sunset. Crazy how some people can be devastated and others profited by the same event, eh? I still thought I could stick it out on the porch in my cozy bed, but there was just something un-enticing about coming home late, after a great night out with friends, and leaving this big house empty to sleep outside in the aftermath of the storm. Near midnight I heard what I thought was thunder and thought maybe more was coming, but it was just fireworks at a wedding being held on Somes Sound. Somehow they got around the noise ordinance. I saw complaints today of children and dogs being traumatized by the noise, so again, the same event produced very different experiences: a joyful display of love and happiness for some and a traumatic, sleepless night for others.
A friend sent me a message yesterday saying he was thinking of me this weekend and all the memories it held. I read that and ran to my calendar thinking I had forgotten something I was supposed attend and, finding nothing I’d forgotten, realized it was my 41st wedding anniversary. I thought, “Well, that’s happy news! Forgotten all about it!” Planning out the next chapter in my life, I got caught up in the possibilities and excitement of having a blank slate and lots of options. The melancholic reminders of what could have been are relegated to some other deep drawer of my heart and I’m determined to let nothing from the past spoil my September. I want to love this month and despite all the crap that flings itself into my rosy idea of what September should be, I’m deciding to love it anyway. Come to think of it, when we were planning a date for our wedding, we thought September would be such a great time to travel and we’d mark that holy event with a honeymoon every year! Is there anything as quaint and naive as youth in love? But then I thought, why should I let go of that dream just because he ran off with a teenager after twenty-five years? (Hey, bad memories, I thought I told you to get back in the drawer!) But I didn’t do such a great job of planning out the month and little by little the month has gotten eaten away with scattered commitments. I’ve really got to get better at this month-of-me thing.
It’s quiet here now that everyone is gone, and I’m enjoying the solitude and resuming my little home improvement projects. I’m envisioning a future where I’m happily engaged in meaningful work and detached from others’ dramas. I’m daydreaming about different scenarios of adventure and excitement while I lay gravel and rip out rotted steps. (Oh, the metaphors…) I trust that the universe will shine a light on the path I’m to take, probably less glamorous than what’s in my head but we’ll see. Aside from the road trip next month to Nashville and New Orleans, my destination hasn’t come into focus yet. My trip to Myanmar in December got canceled this week so that gives me a big chunk of time to fill. I’m thinking of options, still hopeful that something will work out and I get to go back to Malawi. Still waiting on a job possibility and as I pick string beans and tomatoes I think of how I dislike having my future in someone else’s hands. Then I think of what it must be like to be locked in a cage, waiting. My life is so easy.
I’m disappointed about not going to Myanmar in December. I was looking forward to experiencing a part of the world I have not seen and relishing the thought of an exotic adventure, meeting family for Christmas and trekking in gorgeous mountains. But that is not to be right now. As Irene Mayberry would say, “God never closes a door without opening a window!” (she had a million of these sayings…”Never a cross without a resurrection!” ) so I’ll wait to see what opens up outside the window, open to getting up and moving on.
Love to all,