I’ve started this ten times today. Everything I write seems so stupid and trivial. I’m getting ready to go away and wrote some pithy little stories about organizing my life in order to leave it for a year. Those stories seem ridiculous now.

I haven’t listened to the news much over the past weeks. I was enjoying the quiet. I found myself less stressed, less caught up in commentary that meant nothing. Yes, I was thrilled Tuesday night when it became clear Hillary was making history and listened to her speech with delight. But after that, I wanted it quiet again. I wanted to enjoy the blooming lilacs and lupine. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many birds in my backyard. All different kinds. I don’t know their names or recognize their song. I love watching them, though. I don’t hang any feeders. They just seem to be foraging for themselves. They remind me of the scene in Cinderella when the birds were happily making her dress for the ball. I love that scene.

We arrived at church at eight this morning just as the news was coming on. I shut off the engine as the theme song for Weekend Edition was playing. Mass had just started. We sat in the front pew. The sermon wasn’t poignant, though I listened. I thought about forgiveness. I thought about what it really meant to ask for it. We sang On Eagles Wings for the offertory. I love that song. We sang it at my mother’s funeral. It always comforts me to think of being held in the palm of God’s hand. I like the idea of shining like the sun. The song sounds very hopeful to me. I like it. It makes me cry because I always think of my mother and how strong she was. We had coffee hour after mass but I couldn’t stay long. I had to get home to finish making pasta salad and potato salad for a graduation party today. Young, bright, gifted kids are graduating from high school today. They are having a party afterward. They should be happy and proud. My friend had to work yesterday and didn’t have time to make the salads. I wanted to make them for her. Some summer people were back in church today. I was happy to see them. We got in the car to come home.

George and I were chatting about the people we saw at mass. I was telling him about some he hadn’t met before. I told him about Bruce, who was so good to Jordan. I was happy to see Bruce again. I started to say something else, but George cut me off.  Maybe he didn’t hear me. Maybe he was excited about what he had to say. He realized he cut me off and asked me what I was going to say. I told him I couldn’t remember, which was a lie. I just didn’t feel like talking anymore so I turned the radio on. Fog had rolled in since we had driven by the lake an hour before. The fog was thick. The lake seemed dreamy.

Twenty people dead. Many more injured. Killer dead. Orlando? Disney world? What???

Same spot where I turned on the radio fifteen years ago on the way to the SPCA to pick up a new puppy. What? Did you hear that? A plane just hit the World Trade Center?

Raise you up. On Eagles Wings. Bear You On the Break of Dawn.

Now fifty people.

Pasta salad, potato salad. Graduation. Summer. College. Friends with friends.

Make you to shine like the sun. Nothing else matters.