I’m wondering if there are any women out there who can relate to this: You see something that needs to be done around the house. Or maybe you have an idea about how something could work better. Or you suggest something be fixed before the house collapses. Or maybe you want a vacation. So you toss the idea to your spouse in a nonchalant, non-threatening manner. You get no response. Then the situation worsens and you try again: “Hey, the steps are now starting to rot! We are losing money with these drafty windows! The roof is leaking! I’m burnt out and this marriage is in question!” You say this with a more urgency, perhaps even a few tears, or a broken glass or two. In response, you hear an argument so lame you stare in disbelief: “That’s not rotting! We save money when the energy is inefficient! I know a leaking roof when I see it, and that’s not leaking! We can’t afford a vacation because you spend too much money on food!” Or words to that effect. You grit your teeth. You question your ability to choose a mate. You try to remember what drew you to this relationship in the first place.
And then one day the step actually cracks as his fat Uncle Charlie steps on it and nearly falls. Your man (without shame) says, “Honey, we need to get this step fixed before someone gets hurt!” or His brother in law starts talking about how they had an energy audit and now they are saving five thousand dollars a year, and he turns to you and says, “You know, we really should look at how much heat we are losing in this house.” or During a heavy rain the roof starts leaking on his old baseball card collection and he comes downstairs and announces that this has been put off too long! He’s calling a roofer to look at this right now! (Or, tells you to call.) or After three weeks of no sex and no conversation he says, “You know, I’ve been thinking. Why don’t we go away for a vacation? It might be fun!”
As if it were all his idea.
If this happens early in the marriage you get into a big fight about whose idea it was in the first place. And you list all the times you TOLD HIM THIS, which, he has conveniently forgotten, and this wastes another day or two until you come to some truce and the chore finally gets done. But as the years go on, you think it’s not worth it and sit back and let him take the fucking credit for thinking of it and get the fucking roof fixed. It’s just easier.
Well. I just read an article about how doctors are urging more patience for laboring women. In an attempt to reduce the c-section rate, doctors are now urging more patience in labor. This was the title of the article: Doctors Urge Patience, And Longer Labor To Reduce C-Section. Excuse me while I let off a little steam here…..Are you fucking kidding me???? Now DOCTORS are saying it and it’s fucking news???? Have midwives been ripping their hair out trying to protect women from this very group who were mutilating them for centuries??? Have we been jumping up and down saying this for….FOREVER??? What the FUCK? Were any doctors quoted saying, “Gee, our nurse-midwives have been trying to tell us this but we didn’t listen. Now that women are dying in record numbers in this country from unnecessary surgery, we decided to take a look at reducing the c-section rate…and act like it was all our idea.” Uh, no. I haven’t heard that.
So now what do we do? Should we look at them adoringly and say, “Wow, what an interesting observation! You are so smart for figuring this out!” Is it just not worth it? Just get the job done? Give it up for the cause? Give them the credit? Holy shit.
Which brings me again to…Hillary Clinton. Bernie Sanders is the new messiah for saying the same fucking thing Hillary Clinton has been working on for decades and now it’s fucking news. She’s gotten things done for years
while someone else takes the credit. Health care reform? She wrote it. It happens to women ALL THE TIME. We’ve been socialized since birth to allow it and we end up settling for being glad it eventually gets done. Let them have the credit.
It’s just easier.